WISHFUL THINKING

mimpi percuma

2011-12-10T00:12:00.001+08:00

semalam teduh terhampar
menyanyikan lagu merdeka
terasa hangat membakar
namun rupanya mimpi percuma

sedarlah wahai manusia
yang kita masih bermimpi
bangunlah kawan bangkit terus berdiri

bebaskan dirimu dari
belengu sang kuku besi
janganlah biar dirimu ditipu lagi

something in the sea of sound

2011-07-15T22:15:00.004+08:00

what are you waiting for
i don't even know
you've said it too much
but finally you're nowhere to be found
i can't believe it's true
if something could be true
hold me up and i don't want to.. i don't want to loose

whether you see me
whether you see me try
try to sow the truth in a lie
do you see it?
do you find it?
i laugh it again and again till i go insane

something in the sky
higher than the high
falling back to burst
please don't give me that look
harder than the cash
harder than the rest
mummy told me love
are hard to come by

did you see me?
yes you do
yes you do
i'm trying to save you
i'm saving you
i'd saved you
from this ugly sight

hold me down
cause i can't see you now
lying on the grass of hope

hold me down
hold me down
i'm dying in the sea of sound

i hate you

2011-06-09T20:19:00.005+08:00

i hate ass kisser
i hate autocratic
i hate opportunist
i hate ass kisser much
i hate old man who try to look cool expressing his opinion on something while deliberately kissing other's ass for his own good

i hate malaysian politics scene.
i hate the media who enjoy kissing the govt's ass.
i want to enjoy my tv time but now i want to vomit so much.
they make me so sick.
damn ass kisser.
curse you.
rot in hell bastards.

THIS SUNDAY

2011-05-29T13:18:00.002+08:00

this sunday i got my guitar, i got my amp, i got my PC, i got my new bought speaker...
the only thing missing is inspiration.

i've been thoughtless, clueless nowadays..
seems like my mind is no more than empty boxes...
they say it's because of your habit..
what you do everyday shapes how your mind works..

do you read intelectual books on philosophy or do you read mangas..
do you watch serious debates on anything important or do you watch porn instead
do you prefer talking about nothing or do you prefer having an academic conversation

i wonder why my mind grow dull these days
somehow i wish to go back to this morning and redo everything completely different.

books

2011-05-14T23:54:00.002+08:00

just finish reading "benarkah salafi wahabi, ittiba'us sunnah, ansarus sunnah, jamaah islamiyah (JI), Al-qaeda, Taliban, Irsyad, persis muhammadiyah, Pemusnah Islam & pembunuh umatnya, Penyembah tuhan berupa berwajah berjisim, Penyebar Islam Yahudi?! Menjadi barua Zionis-Amerika, Tanduk syaitan yang muncul dari Najd?!" the title says everything about the book. got this book for free last friday prayers.

in my opinion

2011-04-29T23:30:00.003+08:00

in my opinion, those who are mad for power won't notice how stupid they look in their attempt to achieve their goal. their eyes are so focus on their goal they dont realize how many eyes are focusing on them.

in my opinion, we should live with full of pride. there's no benefit in sacrificing your pride whatever your goal is. people without pride is the lowest of them all.whatever happen you must put your pride up high. and in order to do that you must also respect others. respect others then you will get your respect back.

i'm expressing my opinion because i am worried with the current issues keep playing on news nowadays. i am worried for what have we become. i believe we are loosing our sanity slowly. we loose our ability to separate the right from wrong. eventually, we will crumble . i pray for that not to happen.

sunday

2011-03-20T14:32:00.003+08:00

it's a boring sunday.. as usual... there's this sudden urge to write something on this lame blog... after a very long time... probably because there is nothing else to do... outside its raining heavily... usually i would fall asleep by now.. but i could't.. because i have spent my entire morning sleeping..

so here i am.. without nothing else to do.. again... truth is.. i am waiting for the youtube alice mcgees new madness trailer to finish loading... while watching some crap on tv.. watching people fooling themselves sure is something... it never gets old....it actually made me laugh... ok...time for some youtube.... "aaaLIce~~"... "what have you done? ..." love the tagline... love the game... wish i could play it...

experimenting with emotions

2010-12-20T20:43:00.008+08:00

from this picture, i was trying to draw any expression in the character's faces. i started by drawing the female character first. she was hell lot of different from what she looks now(a lot sexier.. sorry i'm a damn pervert)... then, i drew the male character with the expression of solitude but also lonesome. i'm trying to put that feeling of "they are so close yet so far" and this is what i could come up with. i wish i could draw a background for them but i'm just plain lazy.. drawing backgrounds is a lot of work.

mouse sketching

2010-11-11T03:18:00.004+08:00

it takes me 5 to 10 minutes to sketch these with a mouse.

women are my favorite subjects of inspirations cause they are the most beautiful things god ever created in my opinion.

nothing can compare....

2010-11-05T01:00:00.004+08:00

...to "berserk"by kentaro miura. the art, the storyline, is just superbly crafted. to me, guts; the main character of this manga is what defines berserk. his life is totally messed up even before he was born thus makes him the perfect berserker who just pissed off on anything. the perfect anti hero. i totally recommend those out there who doesn't mind gore, nudity and foul language to read this manga. this is absolutely not for kid. so kid, behave yourself and read doraemon instead.. or perhaps dragonball.

hes totally loosing it...............

2010-02-11T07:36:00.002+08:00

there goes my saturday

2010-01-23T20:05:00.002+08:00

sitting at home....alone.........doing nothing......
go online......... facebooking, blogging (not really) youtubing......... boring......

felt alone again.........damn........ im tired of being alone......... why oh why.....
@!#)!)()O)()!()()!_)_ <-----doesn't make me feel better at all.........

i wanna curse someone......anybody...... its been a long time since i do that..........
should i do it? should i just do it? is there anyone who does not mind to be cursed by me.......
crap............

when you are alone... your mind plays trick on you..., and you go nuts.... that's probably what happen to the guy who murdered his family members at mencheh... at least that's what i think........................not.........

why?
why??
why???

.............
...........
.................. these dots wont accumulate of how much boredom i'm into

whatever.............
......................................................................................

sometimes I'm rambling up things like this

2009-12-27T18:02:00.003+08:00

Love is so much pain…….

........But people still yearns for it..........

Because somehow,............

from the pain that love inflicts..........

there’s sweetness that only love can give................

I miss you so much my sweetheart........

what's in a manga you ask???!!

2009-12-25T23:21:00.008+08:00

I've beginning to read this manga called ber*** (cant uncover the title for some reasons ) for a week now.............

and I just cant stop reading it............ this manga is too great.... the mangakas dedication to draw each panels to minor details just soothes me.............. yes......... dedication........... wonder how would I acquire that..........

retribution

2009-11-22T16:59:00.003+08:00

I was at the balcony of my cousin's apartment.....

there I saw a magnificent view of his neighborhood at night....

the composition of light... it just captured my eyes with amazement.....

then as usual, I shoved my hand into my left pocket to reach my sony erricson...

to capture this beautiful scenery into pixels.....

but suddenly I realized.....

it wast there........

my sony erricson is no more......

cruel world.........

the thing is.....

2009-11-20T18:42:00.008+08:00

It's getting worse since yesterday.....my life is......

that time (about 4:40 p.m) i was doing my routine after the bank was closed for customers.....

(performing asar)........

while i was in the toilet.......

that thing happen.......

the thing that start every little thing that start ruining my life since yesterday.....

I wish i could prevent that thing to happen.....

but it was too late.........

could u imagine having bad things happened to you over and over again......?

i cant even start breathing until this afternoon; when i managed to settle that little thing yesterday that ruined my life.... but the worst thing is I lost someone so dearly to me because of that thing.... she left me with that thing that keeps on ruining my life........

I feel so dead right now that i don't even care for that thing anymore.....

that thing is......

a shameful pleasure

2009-11-05T08:00:00.006+08:00

Location : customer service desk

Irritating....frustrating........ uneasy.... .......I'm sweating... ....resisting my animal instinct....

I'm a civilized human, I cant do that....... in front of so many people....

I'm fighting with myself....

harder and harder....

like a true champion....

but....

I lost the fight...

I gave in.... the challenge is too much....

My finger is too big..... I must dig deeper.....I saw a blessing in disguise in front of me.... lots of paper clips..... that should do it...... dig....dig...dig....=_=

First day keje

2009-10-03T12:49:00.003+08:00

1 Oct 2009

gambar di ambil di dalam rumah sebelum gerak..
baju sayang yang pilih =)
not the best experience... since dat day sumthng bad happen

.....but I managed to end the day sucessfuly.. =)

wish me luck on my new career

fav catch phrase in a lyrics as for now

2009-10-03T12:34:00.005+08:00

SNOW PATROL - RUN

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

COLDPLAY - FIX YOU

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I

which do you prefer?....to die horribly on the road or peacefully on the bed?

2009-09-28T16:43:00.006+08:00

causes : virus H1N1
periods : more than 4 months
death tolls : 77 people

causes : road accidents
periods : less than a week
death tolls : more than 220 people

tagged - buat ajelah

2009-09-10T22:07:00.007+08:00

1) APE YG ANDA RASE SEKARANG?

malas nak jawab tag ni

2) RATE TAHAP KEEMOAN ANDA (1-5)

3 sebab aku suka nombor 3

3) WARNA KESUKAAN ANDA?

warna-warna kehidupan

4) KALAU DIBERI PELUANG, ANDA MAHU JADI ARTIS?

aku memang artis pon. tanya kawan2 aku ^^

5) BAGI SATU SIKAP YANG ADA PADA ANDA
pemalas

6) ANDA RASE ADE SESEORANG SEDANG MEMINATI ANDA?

adalah...

7) KALAU ANDA BERDUKA APEKAH YANG ANDA AKAN BUAT?

tak tau nak buat apa....sampailah sekarang...

8) JIKA ANDA WANITA, BERAPAKAH MAS KAHWIN YANG SESUAI UNTUK ANDA??

aku x dapat bayangkan yang aku ni seorang wanita... pass....=_=!!!!

9) ANDA SUKA PEMBERI TAG INI KERANA???

dia baik. (cough)

10) JIKA ANDA MENJADI PEMBERI TAG INI, APAKAH 3 PERKARA PERTAMA YANG AKAN ANDA LAKUKAN
(1)cuba untuk bangun tido (2)berjaya bangun tido (3)tido balik....

TAG 7 MEMBER ANDA
ahaha aku nak tagg sape.....yang seterusnya copy dari adib

1 - amman
2 - yen
3 - cikgu zarah
4 - pn.iza
5 - deezanna
6 - drama^_^queen
7 - nard elainy

1) NO 2 PERNAH JUMPE DGN NO 7?

adik beradik

2) NO 3 PENAH BERGADUH DGN NO 4?

pernah sebab berebutkan aku. haha

3) ADAKAH 1 DAN 6 BOLEH HIDUP BAHAGIA?

bole kot. haha

4) APE YG NO 5 PENAH BUAT KAT ANDA?

cium aku dalam mimpi..oh tidakk...=_=

Reput

2009-09-10T15:05:00.004+08:00

aku lihat sekelilingku
bagaimana moral dan pegangan manusia
mereput perlahan
jiwa aku turut mereput
hati aku gundah
bilakah Islam akan mekar di bumi Malaysia
bumi yang dikatakan bertuah
bumi yang dikatakan merdeka

aku lihat sekelilingku
manusia berlumba-lumba mengejar dunia
mengejar kuasa
mengejar harta
mengejar nama
kulihat mereka persis ikan di tasik
berebut2 apabila makanan dicampakkan

penyakit jasmani wabak H1N1 merebak
melalui angin dia bergerak
namun dapat di kawal juga

penyakit jiwa kita tak nampak
menjangkit tanpa kuarantin selaju angin
dan jiwa mereka pun turut mereput
tanpa kawalan

Cerita interview hari itu

2009-09-09T02:02:00.006+08:00

Banyak da interview aku pergi sampai aku lost count...tapi yang ni special sket sebab aku pass..hahaha

Aku da tak berapa ingat sebab ia berlaku hari tu... bukan semalam atau sebentar tadi...tapi aku cuba ingat sikit2lah... interview ni untuk position greeter... aku tau yang aku interview utk position ni pon setelah candidate yg duduk sebelah aku yang juga merupakan seorang awek bagitau aku(panjangnya explanation...=_=)... hmm hmm...

and off coursela aku blur sebab aku ingat aku interview utk clerical staff..jadi aku selidikla serba sedikit kat mmbe sebelah ni berkenaan ngn job yg ditawarkan ni...nasib baiklah beliau peramah dan tak kedekut berkongsi walaupon kami merupakan pesaing sebenarnye...(aku doa dia dapat gakla keje ni atas kemurahan hatinya)

interview di jalankan secara grouping iaitu 4 orang satu sesi...1st time interview cani ni tegezut gak aku..1st group lak tu....interviewee=3 orang awek dan sorang balak hensem iaitu aku..interviewer pula merupakan 3 orang otai bank islam and 3 3 laki...baguss...aku x suke btol kalau interviewer pompuan...(bukan muhrim xleh salam)

ada 4 sesi x silap

I'm having a writer's block..........wait.......I'm not even a writer

2009-09-08T20:15:00.002+08:00

...........................
...........................
...........................

This line that separates Us

2009-08-29T01:34:00.004+08:00

assalamualaikum

Terlebih dahulu saya ingin meminta maaf dan mengucapkan terima kasih kepada sesiapa sahaja yang pernah tersinggah dan terbaca blog yang tak seberapa ini, terutama kepada rakan-rakan blog sendiri : rakan karib en.adib, deeyana, jiejie, dilla wekwek, farah nadya, chacha, adik kesayangan saya nadia dan beberapa orang yg menggunakan nick anonymous. Saya betul2 terharu ada juga orang yang sudi baca saya ini. Terima kasih... terima kasih...

Ini adalah blog terakhir saya setelah beberapa minggu tak post apa2...ya...blog terakhir kerana beberapa faktor yang tak dapat dielakkan.

pertama, saya dalam proses peralihan hidup yang membataskan aktiviti online saya.

kedua, berbalik kepada tujuan blog ini ditubuhkan; to write every little details on whts happening between me n my crush... jika anda perhatikan pada blog third last saya.. ada seorang individu menggunakan nick anonymous memberikan comment..itulah jantung hati saya (sebab utama saya buat blog ini). Comment darinya benar membuka masa saya bahawa tidak semua perkara boleh diluahkan di blog.

ketiga, saya yakin sekarang bahawa saya tidak bertepuk sebelah tangan... jadi biar saya kongsi perasaaan saya dengan jantung hati saya sahaja =) agar tidak ada lagi rahsia antara kami dan agar kami saling mempercayai.

saya mengambil keputusan untuk menghentikan sementara aktiviti blogging saya atau mungkin selamanya memandangkan ia tidak relevan lagi dengan keadaan semasa . Oleh itu sekali lagi saya ingin memohon maaf pada semua jika sepanjang penulisan saya selama ini ada perkara-perkara yang menyakitkan hati korang semua. Dan Terima Kasih kerana sudi membaca blog saya. terima kasih... terima kasih...kalau ada jodoh kita bertemu lagi. Doakan kebahagiaan kami =)

aku capek bah

2009-08-18T17:30:00.004+08:00

Saat ni aku terkenang semua kegagalan yang pernah aku hadapi... dari yang kecil hinggalah yang besar.......naik motor masuk longkang, skate ejal masuk tasik city park, kegagalan masa SPM, kemudian ketika pengajian di JB, kegagalan mendapatkan kerja etc....... semua perkara negatif menerjah minda..... hampa.......putus harapan...........penat...........capek

aku muhasabah diri....... cube mengerti di sebalik ujian yang maha Esa ni....... aku sedar aku manusia kerdil yang tak berdaya........... aku sedari semua kegagalan itu berpunca dari aku sendiri....... salah pertimbangan mana yang baik mana yang buruk......... dan setiap saat aku melakukan kesilapan kumohon tuhan yang maha kuasa berilah aku petunjuk jalan mana yang harus kulalui.............

aku cube benamkan perasaan negatif ini.... takut mengundang kemurkaan yang Esa......... janganlah aku jadi hamba yang kufur pada nikmatNya..... lalu kukenang segala perkara baik yang penah berlaku padaku...........dari yang kecil hinggalah ke nikmat yang besar iaitu betapa bersyukurnye aku punya Iman.... kupunya sinar yang menyinari jalanku bila aku teraba-raba arah.......

dan segala perkara buruk yang berlaku sepanjang 3 bulan yang berlalu di Seremban ini tak dapat menandingi nikmat takdir pertemuan aku dengan Siti Farah diana....... sungguh........ dan aku cube bertahan... biar aku rasa pinggang aku nak patah ni (adib kata lama sangat menghadap komputer setelah aku minta pandangan pakarnye selaku fisioterapis =_=)

So this is what I do during my past time - 2

2009-07-31T13:08:00.006+08:00

(klik untuk kualiti sebenar)

Aku jarang lukis potret sendiri....... (pasal aku tak cantik).
Tapi Fara mintak aku lukiskan pasal dia nak simpan.... so aku lukislah.
This is the best self potrait penah aku hasilkan wat takat ni..... aku pon terkejut....... mungkin aku letak sepenuh jiwa kot dalam lukisan ni...........hahahahass.............

(klik untuk kualiti sebenar)

potret Kak Ejan... antara geng Fara semasa praktikal.(Farah diana, Farahdila, Dila, Kak Ejan)
...........Fara n the geng mintk aku lukis ni......... lama juge aku amik masa........ shadowing memang aku fail..........so apa2 lah......

I cried over a manga.. does that make me a wierdo???

2009-07-25T17:32:00.004+08:00

Bakuman page 19 episode 46 - strong eyes and hardwork.
For those who havn't read this manga, It's about a dream to become a professional manga.

Can't you guys feel the emotions growing in this single page?.

aku pasrah

2009-07-23T07:14:00.006+08:00

Things are slowly getting out of hands... slow but sure...I'm beginning to loose my way... I pray to god, please don't let my heart waver... This is the point where I have no control of my life... where I don't know where I would end up...where there is nothing I can do to change how things are going... I could just push myself forward to the extent that I would loose my sanity...I don't know where else to go...I'm exhausted, unsure, hoping for a small ray of light to guide my way... what should I do, somebody please tell me... before I would lost myself in this confusion.

Obsession is detrimental to your health and doesn't make you cool 1 bit

2009-07-07T18:30:00.001+08:00

Pagi tadi dalam kul 12 lebih kot aku dapat ilham buat lagu. Lagu ni xde tajuk lagi and ak x dpt upload lagi. Tapi melodi sume da ada. Sape nk dengar leh gi jumpe aku hahaha.

Lagu ni berkisar tentang kitar hidup seekor serangga. dari seekor ulat kemudian menjadi lalat walaupun dia ingat dia dapat jadi rama-rama. kasihan serangga yang perasan ni.

verse:
aku hanyalah serangga
yang menyanyi di waktu senja
oh maafkan ku jika suaraku
menganggu tidurmu

ku tak berniat tuk tingga lama
hanya menumpang di tingkap mu saja
bila masanya tiba ku kan pergi juga

chorus:
ku fikirkan langit cerah
kuidamkan hidup burung bebas
bilakah kan tercapai semuanya
impian kusimpan sejak bila
oh malam.....
terasa panjang.....
pagi kan tiba
matahari kan menyinar....
cerah...

sate kajang

2009-07-02T07:25:00.002+08:00

tah apa gile en.RIzal tah kami berdua je makan sate kajang malam semalam selepas maghrib. Lokasi di port dickson, seremban (1st time gi ni)... terima kasih en.RIzal kerana belanje aku makan sate.. moga ekau murah rezeki hendaknye

Bestnyee jalan ngn awek nama siti farahdiana bte razak ni

2009-06-29T01:41:00.002+08:00

petang semalam aku jalan ngn awek yg aku suka ni kat city park seremban 2... seb bek dia sudi... tgk ikan, tgk orang, bual2 pasal apa2 yg patut..........aku suka dengar dia cakap..... mmg best.....x kirala dia cakap apa..........aku dengar je.........

This part that almost made me cry

2009-06-26T12:43:00.002+08:00

Even in the depths of hell....
Blooms a beautiful flower of friendship....
Leaving its petals as mementos....
Bobbing back and forth on the waves....

May it one day blooms once more...
In the Okama fields...
Let us meet again...

The Okama Way,
Mr.2 Bon Clay

Just a regular mumble jumble

2009-06-24T19:28:00.001+08:00

jem durian + roti = sedap je... credits to en.rizal kerana bermurah hati menapawkan set makanan berikut untuk aku.. waktu berbuka aku terasa indah syukur alhamdulillah...